eid’s monologues.

in the name of Alah

peace be upon Muhammad

2 days before which is during the 2nd of Eid,

too many tarik tali and perebutan kuasa antara senioriti dan ketua, all of those conflicts ended up with,

what happened to you, soul? it’s just the 1st of Syawal and you’re like this, didn’t you promise to keep the momentum of Ramadhan ongoing throughout the year till the next one God’s willing? patience, perseverance and endurance, didn’t the Almighty taught you all of that during the Holy Month? astaghfirullah, forgive me Lord !

hate myself for those thoughts and behaviour.

yesterday, which is the 3rd of Eid,

nearly burst out in front of those people. but succeeded in holding myself from being that cruel. held on those two bags and one big book so that I’ve something to do and be distracted from. when I started walking outside, I really need a shoulder to cry. Yusra, where are you? ya Rab, irhamhaa !

Rasul SAW, utusan Khaaliq kau, pernah berkata, mukmin yang bergaul di tengah masyarakat dan bersabar di atas segala gangguan, mereka lebih baik dari mereka yang tidak bergaul dan tidak bersabar dengan gangguan orang – Riwayat Ahmad.

but those frustration and sadness were rewarded with wonderful and great stories of my sisters, their patience, their faith and their kindness, made me realized, I could do better next time God’s willing. And, God gifted me one more gift that evening, with the help of another sister, thank you !

today, which is on the 4th of Eid,

helping one another trying to accomplish the high demands, didn’t expect that anger to come again, but this time not from me, thought it was just a child’s anger, but it turned out to be an anger on a relevant reason (she asked for the motives, but was given an answer like this ‘saje nak suh tuan rumah buat keje‘ ! –> never knew the person, never wanted to know, but please if you’re the one, please explain properly because that event was a disaster actually for us, people below you !),

then she, with the anger, cried slowly for help from us  ’tolong nasihatkan aku!‘

kau sabar je weh, Allah nak naikkan darjat kau tu, ni la peluangnya, kite same-same sabar la ye, jom istighfar !

then back at home, got a reminder from He-knows-who accidentally (Allah nak bagi tashji’ )

if a person has a standing in God’s  sight and he cannot reach that station through good works and piety, God afflicts him with such tribulations as illness until he does attains it. [Hakim]

ahh, the warmth of love from the All-Hearing ~

ouh yeah, another reminder when browsing here, while munching up kerepek bawang (Umi pos!),

Ida menambah, kerepek adalah makanan yang perlu dielak kerana ia mengandungi oksida yang tinggi.

erkk, stopped for a while from swallowing, smile weirdly then continue munching – Tuhan sayang sangat sampai makanan aku pon Dia jaga tsk tsk i_i

and at the end of the day, I reread this post from He-knows-who,

me, sitting in the car, quiet,

my mom, pointed outside the window, called my name, and said “what’s that?”

“the sky,” I answered in monotone.

“are you sure? are you positive?”

“yes.”

“well as certain as you see that sky, be certain that Allah will handle your matters..”

“…..”

…your trust in Allah should be as certain as you see that sky.

this last monologue really made my day. I’ve been deceived, frustrated, sad, hated, denied from my rights and seeing and hearing irrelevant stuffs from unsensible people (note : from Malaysians themselves not Egyptians okay !) starting from the eve of Eid till today. but at the end, with all those black moments haunting my days before, Allah really helped with everything – mind debating with different thoughts, considering about us and them, seeking from left and right – alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah~

letakkan dunia itu di tanganku bukan di hatiku Tuhan agar aku mampu menjadi sehebat dia atau mungkin lebih hebat. aku mengagumi dia dan dia. Ya Rab, ikrimhunna.

lead me O The All-Seeing ‘coz I’m blind walking alone.

please Lord, make me a better person.

and He knows best.

wallahua’alam.

p/s : entry yang sekali lagi akan tidak difahami oleh banyak manusia.tapi sila baca dengan mata hati. letakkan analogi pada diri sendiri (rekalah cite sendiri kalau tade analogi sangat ). moga Allah memandu mata nurani kalian. ahh, dah ngantuk, mana Mo’men daku ni *starving*