hikayat Kenit.

in the name of Allah

perginya arwah dua tahun lepas. dan kali akhir menatap wajahnya tiga tahun lalu. menjerit-jerit di lapangan terbang, melambai penuh semangat. tapi kau dijemput dulu oleh Rab.

Mohd Najmi Mohd Zaidi [13/10/07 - 1 Syawal 1428]

tinggal dua beradik. wawa & angah. si wawa tak habes duk ngadu nak pi tengok abang punya ‘rumah’. takmo lama berjalan takut abang sunyi. marah kalau tak pi tengok abang dulu sebelum pi mana-mana. angah sebagai kakak tak banyak cakap. diam bisu. taw dalam hati dia yang kene jaga adik umi dan abah. simpan dia seorang tangis pilu pemergian abang. heh, tapi haritu wawa kene buli kat sekolah, angah pi buli balik budak laki pembuli tuh, dah la pengawas, hah memang patut, who asked you to mess with my sis caya la ngah ~

berkat sabar & yakin pada Allah dua minggu lepas arwah pi, Mokde pregnant. maka nikmat Allah yang manakah kamu dustakan? subhanaAllah walhamdulillah wallahuakbar. lahirlah Mohd Naimullah

hah dah besar pon. diam budaknya tapi lasak amat. duk buli si iffah je. pandai-pandai la kome berebut mainan. anak bujang lasak VS anak dara ganas.

pehtu pulak, ada dalam minggu lepas, kakak kata Mokde pregnant lagi.

‘Mokde ! Congratsss ! Yeay tahun depan balik dapat adik baru !’

‘Tu la kinah, Allah amik satu, Dia bagi dua plak kat Mokde..’

Diam aku makin kagum dengan kuasa Dia. Dia ambil untuk beri yang lagi baik. kau perlu sabar. usah rungut. usah keluh. teringat tahun lepas tika ziarah arwah di pusara. Mokde tak henti menangis sambil membaca Yaasin. angah & wawa pandai dah bawak diri. tolong bentangkan tikar mengkuang tuk kami duduk. tolong amik air tuk siram kubur arwah. baca Yaasin sendiri. pemergian itu mematangkan mereka.

moga Mokde selamat lahirkan yang seterusnya. heh kene balik tahun depan ni

sabar dan yakin. kau kan sampai di akhir dengan tenang dan bahagia.

campakkan segala resah itu jauh-jauh.

kerna Allah itu Maha Hebat.

for He, who knows the best.

wallahua’alam.

yang sana.

bismillah

moga yang di sana itu tenang selalu.

moga yang di sana itu kurang keserabutannya.

moga yang di sana itu mampu tersenyum walau segala gundah dan resah memenuhi jiwa.

moga kau yang nun jauh di sana itu dibukakan Allah jalan yang mudah.

moga kau yang di sana itu yakin akan kuasaNya yang Maha Tinggi.

moga kau yang di sana itu akan disayangi dan dirindui penghuni langit dan bumi.

sabarlah, kan ada ganjaran menantimu.

yakinlah, kan terbit sinar harapan untukmu.

senyumlah, kan hilang segala duka yang menikam.

“People are tested according to their faith..” [Tirmidhi]

tiada yang lebih baik bagi seorang yang beriman itu melainkan jika dia mengatakan segala yang diterima dari El-Haq itu baik semuanya.

moga istikharah kau menunjuk jalan. melembut hati. dan membahagiakan kau dan dia.

tiada lagi yang aku harap melainkan kebahagiaan kau dunia akhirat. kau lebih tahu yang itu bukan? walau aku bukan disisi kau. jaga diri, jaga iman, jaga Dia.

dan sungguh Allah sangat tahu detikan hati kau, dia dan aku.

sayang kau yang jauh itu.

wallahua’alam.

dalam khali.

in the name of Allah the Most Gracious the Most Merciful

peace be upon Muhammad and his family

“you don’t deserve the best from anyone coz you’ve never given anyone the best you had, even if you think it’s the best you’ve ever given before, you still don’t have the rights to put demands everywhere on everyone’s forehead, right? so please, if it’s something you could do with your own hands and feet, do proceed it as it is, don’t burden anyone around and let them do it for you for maybe you’ll be disgusted by them. no offense oke, coz it’s just reality..”

“don’t depend yourselves to do things on others always, it’s frustrating you know, try to do it yourself, and be proud for what you’ve done, don’t say others can help me to do it better [and yeah, I do agree if we help each other we can do better] but hey you couldn’t get help for the rest of your lives right? certainly, there’ll be milions of times Allah will leave you alone to think, to manage, to decide, to choose by your own will. so please, learn something from your inner self and be proud of that coz you’re special because of that. ouh you’re afraid maybe you could go wrong? it’s ok, once you’ve done it then you know where you did wrong, if everything was to be done by others then shall you notice your own mistakes and wrongdoings? of course not, so get moving now for your own sake..”

“maybe I am a bit narcissistic like others had said before, maybe I am to good to be true for myself, and I am sorry for being one like that but I’m just pointing out some views that I see a bit not nice for you, so have some booster of self-esteem for yourself at times and don’t think others are better than you coz they are not..”

dan ya, semua berbalik pada aku. banyak bercakap banyak la tanggungjawabnya. tapi aku bercakap dalam hati. bicara seorang. dikirakah? mungkin kerana itu Allah banyak tidak izinkan aku bercakap dengan sewenangnya. oh terima kasih Ilahi. Kau sangat memahami. hasbiyallahu wane’mal wakeel. dan pada sape yang rasa ada kaitan dengan segala rapuan aku kat atas, amek la perhatian, sebab setiap orang ada had tuk kita minta tolong, ada had tuk kita masuk campur hidup dia, dan ada had tuk kita jangan melebih.

everything has their own limits. I won’t enter yours and so don’t dare to cross into mine. you should know when to stop. you should know when to not cross the line. well, you need to be told by the person? ouh, it’s too embarassing. takkan dia nak kata ‘cukup la jangan banyak tanya pasal idup aku boleh?’. kan memalukan kau dan dia? bak kata orang – jaga tepi kain orang takpe, jangan jaga dalam kain orang. see the difference? there are still borders and lines that you should not cross forever unless you’re being asked to do it. then it’s your call.

and yeah, you still don’t know where’re the limits? learn dear, learn. look at those body languages, those hand gestures, those eye contacts, even we could feel ourselves the atmosphere around. is it comfortable or is it just too hot? well if these ways aren’t helping you so you should learn by yourself in your own personal ways. it’s called common sense. if you do not have the common sense, so everything’s over. you’re a goner.

I’m finished with the ramblings.

and so Allah knows the best what’s in my heart. you’re not the judge but Him.

wallahua’alam.

glimpse of the past.

in the name of Allah

peace be upon Muhammad

just as I’m about to completely trash all the memories that doesn’t need to be cherished, I was reminded by Him through someone close enough. why? that was the main reason I want to know right now. I couldn’t even understand the secrets beneath (well, maybe sometime from now on hopefully ~). yet again, it was the same problem, same tragic ending, same sequences but by different people involved, different motives and different words. what makes it more complicated is that they’re now in a condition where everything was taken more seriously than ever. and in addition to that, to make things worst, they do have exams right now. 

hope she can stand back on her own soon enough.

O Allah, save her from Your Hellfire. Bless her with Your Mercy.

Hold her heart so that it won’t again slip away like before.

Bestow upon her for the better in everything. in Everything. I know You would.

and also Allah, grant her wisdom and patience for her next steps till she meets You.

O Lord, am I that lucky to have experienced this earlier? I think I’m not. it’s just a part of my black history. but albeit it’s black, there’s lotsa lessons You sent for me through those sequences of events.

and my dear dear dear sister, you’re not the one to be blame nor the other side. things just happen. and everyone has to take responsibility. the words just came out before they could realize coz emotions > logical thinking. and I really am confident enough to say that there will be zillions of regret that at the end, sorry seems to be the hardest word.

ahh I really want to forget this story of mine. really.

and He knows best.

wallahua’alam.